De Unique's

Untitled

2011-10-04T00:53:00.002+08:00

This morning

2011-09-14T17:16:00.000+08:00

I woke up to a strange reality.

Oh well.

2011-08-17T21:49:00.005+08:00

Shall I wait in front of that door that opens and closes time and again, wondering if time would stay still so I don't have to think about whether I have to step through any door at all? It makes sense, doesn't it? That all species live through roughly 1 million heartbeats, so the more you keep things calm under the surface, the longer you live to observe others crashing into closed doors repeatedly, hoping that quantum tunneling would let them through this time round.

What else?

Oh yes, how many people have I unknowingly annoyed exactly?

Why does it matter?

Because it's better to occupy myself with these trivial matters before that big wave of problems comes. It might be any day now.

Depressing life is depressing

2011-04-28T04:59:00.005+08:00

That's another El Clasico loss, with one red card and 2 keyplayers missing the next match. I said some time ago after that 5-0 fiasco that it's always darkest before it goes pitch-black and I don't want to repeat that. But clearly, if I have to resort to depressive realism to look at this game, it's a travesty indeed. Funny, it was also a home match the last time Real lost.
It's now that I get why this game is so enticing. It takes a simple jump into a match to be immersed in the 90-minute excitement, to feel your heart race when the ball nears the goal, to resort to expletives seeing Alves' masterful diving. That walking shame of a bastard.
I used to think them football fanatics dramatic, but sometimes you'll have to see it for yourself to believe (not applicable to every sort of beliefs, of course.) There are the players, there are the games, there are the word fights in between the matches, the tactics and the business, the managers and the referees. It's an amalgamation of all things ugly and beautiful - a microcosm of humanity.
I also bombed two easy papers of my home degree. When you fail at life you start to see failures everywhere else. And we both have another match to fight 6 days later. I hope the parallel ends here - it'll be the last paper for me this semester, and Real should not have to end this season like that. Because on the other side of despair there is hope - hope that where we put effort in we will see results, that even this season or this semester our results tank there's still the next one to get it back, that life is a bitch and that makes it all the more worthwhile to fight.

Still, this is quite the low moment. And manga doesn't help much. I'm reading Kuragehime - supposedly the most recent winner of Kodansha - that turns out to be rather disappointing. Female lead is weak. She earnestly does not believe in herself, and has to wait for the usual rich, handsome, and kind prince charming to run along and fall in love with her first. I hate this pathetic and spineless mess of a female lead. The story is a cliche and the art is not oustanding. For a fashion-oriented manga it's no Ai Yazawa. I thought Kimi ni Todoke was bland, but this one is so much worse it makes the former read like Emily Bronte.
But seriously, this is the Kodansha that picked out Honey and Clover, Nodame Cantabile, 20th Century Boys and Vagabond - whatever happened? My life is depressing enough, why do I have to suffer crappy manga too?

Why are you an atheist?

2011-04-03T03:57:00.007+08:00

So I just read this piece by P.Z. Myers, whose writings make the militant Dawkins sound like an accommodationist.

One of his discussion points is why one should go beyond citing that dictionary definition of "atheist" to explain why one makes the decision to become an atheist, beside the obvious "cuz I don't believe there is a God to the best of my intellectual capacity."

And my answer to that would be rather boring. It was all so natural - I was born in a communist country to two science-loving freethinkers. And so there were times when I asked myself if I would have the intellectual bravery to become an atheist still, if things were different - you know, if my parents were devout Christians/Muslims/Buddhists/insert-your-religion-here and if I were in the middle of all that childhood indoctrination. I obviously don't even trust myself to do my schoolwork on a regular basis, how am I supposed to trust myself to be as rational as I'd like myself to be?

I was a freethinker for the most part of my life, and I know a freedom to think implies a freedom not to. I went for 17+ years without pondering all these existential, theological, philosophical questions. At the risk of sounding elitist, I know self-declared freethinkers don't think as often as they should and I'd guess that's an evolutionary defense.

Or perhaps the next time I talk to a Christian friend - someone who wouldn't be weirded out by all this - I shall ask him why he is a Christian, and really probe for a satisfactory answer, not that I know what that entails. Because once, I really did lose all respect for this person who from where I was standing was absolutely brilliant in his intellectual capacity, until I found out that he absolutely rejects evolution, and that he is a Christian. And from then on I thought I would really, absolutely, completely, totally lose respect for someone whose intellect I adore prior to finding out he is religious.

That was the case until I found out that my professor, too, is a devout Christian. And he is a physicist. It is absolutely mind-boggling, all the more when it is well-known he has spent a significant amount of time pondering the same philosophical and theological musings as any atheist of the new wave would, and yet arrived at a different conclusion. It is very much like the case of C.S. Lewis, but I always assume C.S. Lewis was also very much influenced by J.R.R. Tolkien that it was excusable. Now that I'm reading his "Mere Christianity", perhaps I am not so clear anymore.

I wish I could really talk to my professor, to understand what things actually look like from the other side. And yet I am afraid that I would be so backward, so fervently clutching onto my (lack of) belief as to dismiss his reasonings and put him down too. That I totally do not want.

Until now I still find it very hard to be accommodating to someone who is not at least an agnostic (I am yet to make up my mind on pantheists like Buddhists), and it is still my natural response to, you know, lose all respect for religious people. I still have a long way to go in my rational thinking, in finding that comfortable mid-point where I could truly accept a friend who is actually deeply religious. I really do not know how to do that, and for the longest time I have been doing the same thing religious people do - compartmentalizing my thoughts and forsaking consistency. It feels like living half a lie, when I inwardly wince at such discussions, walk away from online debates and then beat myself over it.

I guess we all wear our masks in this way, don't we?

2011-03-23T21:58:00.006+08:00

My dad's close friend's daughter just passed away. She was stabbed to death, by a computer engineer who has been obsessed with her for years.

According to my mom, her parents always had to accompany her everywhere ever since that psychopath declared his death threat years ago - one that reeks of mental instability.

I wonder why there is no such thing as restraining orders in Vietnam. And no one thought of reporting him to the police, or something along those lines either? Or they did but there was nothing the authority could do?

It's a rather lawless country. A place in medical school is still every bright student's dream, while law schools are pretty much people's second choices.

Then again, there was not much doctors could do when she was rushed to the hospital - 26-year-old bright and pretty young lady dying 10 minutes later, stabbed to death by a psychopath had just become another statistic, another sensationalised piece of news that splashes across your average tabloid.

It is a lawless country, but it is mine - one that is polluted, undeveloped, filled with corrupt government officials for the citizens and lying salesmen for the tourists; but one where xoi ga tastes better than lo mai gai, pho is infinitely more savory than laksa, and the thought of rice with mam just makes my stomach weep.

I probably won't settle down in Vietnam ever. Though it is my country, anything beyond emotional attachment is so far gone. And I am reminiscing in English.

But once in a while, when the night is silent and work becomes overwhelming, one resorts to nostalgia, to a time when things were more simple and one was more idealistic. It was naivete that the world should seem much more pleasant back then, and that childish ignorance is forever lost to me, as is to everyone else. But there was beauty in simplicity, in a watered-down outlook of the world, unadulterated, untainted by one's own concerns for what comes next.

I have a sudden craving for Milan Kundera. The themes discussed are tangentially related, as are the emotions evoked by the title. The unbearable lightness of being - how about that.

Einstein's universe

2011-02-11T03:53:00.003+08:00

Of course. Creationists never disappoint.

In the perfect Einstein's universe, all would be wise. The existence of such ignorance and stupidity implies the opposite. This universe is therefore imperfect, non-Einsteinian; the laws of physics and mathematics would soon collapse and all descends into anarchy. QED.

I hope that some day such anarchy swallows you up too.

2011-01-16T20:10:00.002+08:00

http://www.slate.com/id/2281284/

Dude. So true. I'm almost entirely certain I have my head screwed on pretty straight, though an argument for bias may be forged pretty quickly.

I swear I won't blog about things so mundane and self-patting for another month.

Bring out the geek in you!

2011-01-15T02:33:00.005+08:00

I'm only posting because I want to keep these photos, and I don't have a designated folder on my computer.

http://cdn04.cdn.gofugyourself.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/107966285-419x662.jpg

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1386/4723659186_2124d37db3_b.jpg

Some day when I'm rich I'll get myself one of these.

Post-release

2010-12-21T14:07:00.003+08:00

I got fucked by this university's bell curve.

There's a first time for everyone. Mine hurt a lot. Thanks for asking.

I'd like to forget, but there is a need for that abominably low CAP to remain here, staring at me in the face, reminding me that at times, all one needs to do is to forgo his feeble self-confidence and simply work like a mad dog.

I'd like to forget, but every time I look around there are people beside me who are so brilliant, whose desirable presence is to inspire and motivate me, and there are yet others whose mere existence serves as a warning about the danger of going astray.

It still hurts when people ask about my CAP and all I can say is "It's high enough for me to tread on, and low enough for me to get very upset about my inadequacy" for fear of loss of confidentiality. Especially when said with still a certain level of expectation, as if there were no way I could ever fail them. Especially when indeed I did, and I have to lie to save my face. It's disgraceful, I know, but at times ignorance is bliss and is the sole reason there is peace in this world; otherwise it'll just be another Wikileak-gate.

I have a plan and I will try to execute it as flawlessly as possible. Article one: Be very fearful of complacency.

Post-trip

2010-12-16T02:43:00.001+08:00

Said so many things I shouldn't have said, darn. These days my mouth is faster than my brain.

Regret: I added you into my dictionary, for real

2010-11-27T23:50:00.004+08:00

University kills.

I should get that etched into my mind, my wrist, my desk, my laptop, my every single thing that would remind me day in and day out that a moment of complacency may result in a lifetime of regret.

Regret - that is one word I rarely associate myself with. I have been living for so long in my bubble, that I fail to reflect on where I actually stand in this world. So shielded am I that I forget I am but a student who knows nothing of everyone else's intellect, academic prowess, hard work, and dedication to whatever it is they are doing.

I never feel so inadequate.

I can't blame the competition; I can't blame the bell curve. I can't blame the perennial kiasu-ness of this country either. There's only me and myself to be blamed in this mess, and all I dearly wish for is another chance. Please.

"I am not in high-school anymore" - that's what I've been telling myself. Evidently, I failed utterly at fully comprehending what that entails. All I've been thinking about is the liberation, the freedom to do what I want, all that has been idealized by fiction that reflects but a tiny fraction of the real world. And now here I am, getting slapped, so hard, by reality. When people have been working, I have been slacking. Where people have been beating themselves over past year papers, I have been dreaming. So engrossed in my dreams was I that I lost my focus, my way, and myself.

I regret letting my overblown conceited ego get the better of me, I confess.

You know what would help me feel better? Not telling me "You're going to be alright", "You know you're not in that range", or "Later it'll turn out you'll get 5As". The more of these I get, the harder reality stares back at me in the face, highlighting to me that stark contrast between what people think I am capable of, what I think I am capable of, and what a reasonable 3rd person can infer from my pending results. Where I fail, I fail badly. My lowest percentile that I ever got was 6% - that should be sufficiently illuminating. No, an understanding nod would be enough, or even much more comforting than words that haunt me again and again. Give me your silent understanding, and if given another chance I will fight through this with my own strength.

I didn't think experiencing failure myself is necessary. But now that I am going through one I'll need to make the best out of whatever that's left.

I tossed a coin and caught it in mid air. There is no need for a two-sided coin when you realize space-time is 4-dimensional, and that junction you are facing is illusory.

I just need to come to a standstill.

That's a lot of emo posts!

2010-10-26T22:51:00.004+08:00

I have a tendency to screw things up right when they look most optimistic. To say that I'm mad at myself, for reaching a level of honesty that bordered on stupidity, is an understatement.

Then again, I might just be overanalysing. Such is another bad tendency begging to be corrected.

I wish.

Twenty staring in the face of sixteen

2010-10-18T00:18:00.007+08:00

All of a sudden, it feels sixteen. The hopeful sort of sixteen, which is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike the sixteen of four years back. No, this time's sixteen is one filled with hopes and comforting uncertainties, like Rachel Green's I'm-going-to-have-Emma scare.

Disregarding Fermi's paradox and associated implications as well as solutions, this world is rather large. Not as large is the chance of meeting someone so different and so alike, someone who presents infinite probabilities, someone who will stare at this vast world much dreaded by Arthur C. Clarke in its face.

I might be breaking all my rules any day now. Yeah, one could say I'm in deep shit. That includes making a teenage despo emo post.

Judgment: the equivalent of ego-booster

2010-10-11T15:36:00.003+08:00

Oh screw it, if I want to claim any integrity I will keep every single post I had penned, so that my occasional readers can judge me all they want. Life is just that fair.

Almost. Some self-censorship should still be appreciated thank you very much.

Reading back, tags I most used are, in descending order: random (26), astro (11), emo (8), school (6), jokes (3), the rest (1 each). Such things only say so much about my projected online alter-ego.

Life: it might be worse than The Matrix

2010-10-11T00:12:00.006+08:00

So, of course I was born, and grew up in a Communist country, which could also arguably be Socialist because I can't tell the difference to save my life.

Anyhow, the advantage of being born in such a country might be that although I have parents who carry with them a mixture of Buddhism and Taoism, and a few other ~~harmless Eastern~~ religions, never once did their scoldings carry a religious undertone. Corporal punishment aside, I could only be thankful.

Even more thankful I can get is of the fact that because it's a freaken Communist country, it is not the norm for preachers to go around distributing flyers, though I still had access to churches to broaden my religious experience or lack thereof. That there are Buddhist monks going from one neighborhood to another selling toothpicks may defeat my point, but at least they did not attempt to convince me that increase toothpick usage of their particular brand would negate my failure to do my homework the next day, thereby ensuring that I would get an awesome boyfriend in my next life. Or not being 171cm. Or getting an awesome boyfriend while not being 171cm, with the loss in calcium being made up by increased grey matter. Maybe.

My point? Some used to ask me what it was like growing up in such a country.

"It must have been rather oppressive!" they cried.

"No, it isn't at all like that. I do get access to all sorts of information over the Internet, and man, hackers there are useful at helping me bypassing governmental firewalls/proxies/other IT jargons whose meanings I'm not sure but functions I'm entirely certain."

"But how would you know whether your perspective is not at all impaired, having no reference point to start with?"

"Well, I am here, in a non-Communist country, now, aren't I?"

Do you think I don't know?

And that much is true. While I am not going to defend Communism (which, curiously enough, is always used by ~~bad~~ religious apologists as a defense, while my image of Ho Chi Minh's portrait in every single classroom can only be superimposed onto a cross plastered above white boards in their Western equivalent), it did give me a platform upon which my rationality develops. That to me is much more preferable than, say, being born Christian (no offense to Christianity in particular. By now it could safely be deduced that I am against all religions. What constitutes 'religions' e.g. whether Buddhism is one, is another topic for another day).

The distinction kicks in when one realizes the doctrine of certain religions discourages the mere concept of logical reasonings, while that of Communism does not. Christopher Hitchens may have to challenge every single debater to name him one political system built entirely upon atheist principles that results in inhumane atrocities, but every time I look back at my own upbringing, I think we are half way there when it comes to support for a rigorous scientific education.

It hit close to home though on one windy afternoon in school during a mass-emo session.

It could have been a usual session, just like any other, when someone would go, "We can't get together though our feelings are mutual. (insert usual reasons)", and we would chip in and console her.

Alas, her reason had to be "we are from different religious sects". So I was beyond flabbergasted, speechless, stoned, pondering the improbability of such a barrier to love and romance in my perfect world, and could only shut up or mutter some empty response. That night I consider giving her Richard Dawkins' "The God delusion" where he addressed a similar concern.

I ended up keeping the copy to myself.

Somewhere inside there was fear that our friendship would falter and turn sour - we would reach the point of no return, brought entirely upon us by me.

Never in my life do I want to be closeted an atheist. But if a mere post can be interpreted as militant, what of my actions, which are louder than my words?

Wait, I haven't been acting upon my lack of belief, except indulging in countless youtube videos, readings, books, and the likes that involve me and myself.

These days, meeting someone who was told to "tone it down" for a GP essay on the topic of religion cheers me up a bit. I wish there were more of us around. Or if I were wiser maybe I'd wish that we were more vocal. Because, boy, those other CCAs sure are.

Is there a point to this post? Not really. It's one of those days when my usual stress that I should keep all this to myself bursts. Because whenever I express such concerns to anyone non-atheist I receive either silence, "Why so serious?", "I believe there is a middle ground", "Ever heard of NOMA?" (I think that's crap because goddamnit they so overlap!), "You militant atheist", or some permutation from all of the above.

2010-09-03T00:38:00.002+08:00

One day I'll learn how to truly look back. To reflect on past incidents without such regrets.

Because until now I still regret finding out about certain things the way I did.

Or certain words I said, certain places I had been to, and certain people I met.

One day I'll learn to understand all that. Until then, I shall not look back.

And neither should you.

Untitled no. 1

2010-07-27T23:17:00.007+08:00

It is 11:05PM on the last Tuesday night of my extended post-highschool break. I am half sitting, half lying on my bed, grilling myself over a blogpost and some (let's make that "a lot") random articles on Inception while I should be revising my Mathematics and Geography for this Saturday's tuition session.

This is just so me.

Even more me is the fact that I was staring at tonight's wonderfully clear sky (or as clear as it ever gets inside this humongous light-dome anyway), beating myself over leaving my binoculars at the club's storage room. In this perennially rainy and cloudy island, a night of dark and crystal clear sky provides the best comfort. That just makes me sound like the saddest person, but hey, if some people get the biggest kick out of "feeling at one with the universe", can't I do it my own way?

You mean you don't ever feel that way, staring into the infinite black abyss of space?

Suddenly life just feels so serene, so unhappening, devoid of complicated emotions, human affairs, awkwardness, stares and fidgetings. It just is. People with all their vibrancy make up fractions of this chaotic space that I can never get hold of. Starting from next week I have to again take another plunge in all this social madness that I very truly consciously try to avoid.

I am an escapist.

I am also someone who does better when there are few to none that I know in a tutorial group. The question however remains that whether I should commit myself to being a social hermit with a compulsion for mugging, or extend my tiny social circle further for the next 5 years? Granted, I have somehow managed to built some of the most meaningful relationships I've had in years. But would it be okay if I stop here, and just keep whatever I already have to myself? What is the point of getting to know so many people, the majority of whom will glide through your life unnoticed for the next 50 years to come?

There is no precise point to this post, really. Either that or I am too lazy to gather my thoughts.

My self-absorbed blabbers

2010-03-30T12:09:00.007+08:00

I haven't updated in 1114798719487 days I feel like I should do a wrap-up.

Of A levels. Now, here's a disclaimer: if you have self-esteem issues or bad results, please do not read on. Consider yourself warned. This might reek of arrogance to some, but if one must have at least some life philosophy to go by, mine is live such that you can turn your nose up higher than Mount Everest. Or maybe K2, whichever is higher now. I don't actually know at what speed plates move although I took Geography.

If you read on, intending to be critical and all, please refrain from commenting as well (although I do have doubts as to how many losers like this blog's owner actually read this. Oh? Self-deprecation is so much fun!) In my world, there are only 2 types of blog posts: the argumentative and possibly informative types where critical comments are much needed and welcome, and the emo/life-updates/failed-attempts-at-musing-philosophically-about-life where if your comment is anything more scathing than a simply pat in the back or pure gushing you're guaranteed to be bashed. This is the latter. It also means I occasionally find those people who post the latter claiming it is not an emo post while expecting others to not bash them and their newly discovered unfalsifiable life philosophy rather irksome.

But I digress. Here's how my thoughts developed at the time:

- Senior with spectacular result came back. "Maybe I'll heed her advice. Better fail a slacker than working so hard and fail pathetically". Sounds like Nobita? I know!

- Mugging period: "Gah! I so can't do this! Chemistry? What the heck is this! So much bookwork! I don't know how people do this. Like, people with brain AND laziness? What brain? Oh who am I kidding!"

- Mugging period pt. 2: "Don't think. Just mug. Don't. Think. Just. Mug. Mug..."

- A levels: "Screw this I won't mug anymore!" At this point, it was going exactly like my dear senior said. Which means my mental capacity was reached. I don't know how my intellectual capacity was then. Possibly breached.

- Post As: "How could I have missed the word 'aromatic' in that damned P3 question - 12 marks gone! I should have written that down and not left it blank for that P3 question even if I was unsure! People on STOMP said many died in P1 and I actually count on it for my 70% A grade score! Should I have studied harder all these years? Oh BOO!" And then since Physics and Maths were a breeze I skipped thinking about them. But then Geography came back haunting me because of that conversation between Physical Geog teacher and fellow Geog mate that went like this: "I didn't finish one essay question" "There goes your A" and made me go "DAMN I wrote three quarters of a page for that 2nd Human Geog essay question THERE GOES MY A. Or maybe my B even. What possessed me to start mugging only the day before, like literally?" And then in the midst of all this I realized I still have H3 MOE Physics. By then, my world crumbled and I frantically flipped through my notes the night before. By March, I had nightmares seeing my result slip that went A A B C D E F, and my genius in my dream fooled myself by swiftly changing it to another person's result slip. I woke up not seeing mine after all, but throughout the period I was desperately hoping for only 3As, because that would mean I will be able to go to NUS and travel to Orchard with comparative ease for the next 4-5 years.

- And then came The Day. It is of extreme importance to note that I avoided checking Facebook 2 days prior in fear of seeing people panic, thus launching myself into an earth-bound trajectory from my 7th-floor window. I unsuccessfully shut down my thought, which went from completely pessimistic to desperate to suicidal when the 10 8-distinction scorers were called, and even when the absurdly high percentage of As for Geography cohort was announced. I by now am a completely convert of that psychological theory, the name of which I don't know, that screams biased thinking, or whatever you see when you're pessimistic will prove to be a sign of the impending doom. Another reason not to go for fortune telling. So the result came like a slap in my face. I never know slaps can be so pleasant, although this is possibly the only one of its kind.

The only thing that I could think then was, pardon the overly smug arrogance, "Damn maybe I am really smart!" Which is like that guy from Itazura na Kiss. Approximately 25 hours later, checking other JCs' websites quickly deflated my momentary ego, because from across the road alone there were 216 7-distiction-and-above scorers. I tried to find consolation in the fact that my 7th A was a H3 and not HMT, but then HMT is a subject in its own right, although the period people spent mugging it was when I was simply finding things to kill time.

Until now my ego has resolved to "I am extremely lucky!" even if my application essay asserted that "I make my own luck" a la Harvey Dent. Because I was. If not for the surprisingly high A percentage of Geography I wouldn't have gotten an A to call my own. If not for my Richard Dawkins obsession I wouldn't have scored for GP either. If not for, shoot what am I gonna write here, oh yes, simply luck I wouldn't have skated through Chemistry unscathed, because in another million years I would never believe I could score another A for anything that smells remotely like A level Chemistry again. There, you can call me dumb. But until now I still don't know what happened to my H3 Physics, because I distinctly remember having extra time to calculate my marks which did not hit 70%. Maybe they moderated. Lucky part deux!

I am probably very conceited, proud, arrogant, vain, you name it. However, I feel like I've been thriving on that self-ego my whole life. Here's to a new page in life called university; I have no uni-resolutions just yet.

Regarding A levels, again, if anyone ever asks me for advice, I'll say just do whatever you have always done best. I have always been a last minute mugger, so that's what I did. If you are the consistent type, keep it up. Things like "You should start mugging early from start of JC2. Seriously" burn you out like no other if you are not used to proper planning, while others like "Mug for one month can already LAH" can kill some of the most efficient last-minute muggers. Advices from others don't work here, because one would over and again question himself and his advisors in the period to come, even going back on those advices, because one's mind can do twisted wonders.

Dedicated to hostelmates

2009-12-15T15:16:00.003+08:00

I suppose I should try to resuscitate my blog, although the attempt might as well be in vain this time as many of those other times when I reached this "New post" screen and immediately diverted my attention to something else brainless yet immensely captivating. (It has also come to my attention that my intellectual capacity has taken a fall to a state no more celebral than that from 4 years ago, which is very apt of the occasion, if I may add. And I also have no idea whatever the hell I am writing).

I wanted to turn all mushy and sappy and write about my tear-jerking and madness-inducing memories of 4 years, and decided I would not. I wanted to face the blatant truth and reflect on my disastrous A levels together with that Chemistry paper that shall remain forever damned, and decided that I would not. I wanted to make a hate-post on a certain institution and risk not getting my job nor my result, and decided I would not (Not that I have anything to write in that hate-post. Right? Right?).

Nevertheless, a concluding statement is to be expected. And here's mine.

From the day that I signed my scholarship contract up until this very moment, there has never been a single moment when I regret penning down my signature. Even during the first one-and-a-half year of being an awkward outcast. Even during late nights of empty stomachs and undone assignments that were due the next day. Even during meals of dried tsunami fish and uncooked grainy rice that can still have potent power over my churning stomach. Even during the gross sweaty exhausting 2.4km jogs that came every NAPFA. Even during stormy days dealing with assholes who acted like they wanted to get punched.

Because those were also the times of late night piggings. Of trashing the room literally just so that we could pack. Of trips to Coronation that occasionally turned into trips to Orchard for no valid reason other than us being too lazy to get off from 171/174. Of spontaneous eating-out, mass emo sessions, and pondering the collective existensial crisis (I don't know. Did we have those?). Of nights at Hwa Chong field, basking in the winds, gazing at the stars and sweating it all out playing hit-the-can or for some people, jogging (sure as hell that wasn't me).

Those were the times of smiles and miracles.

Hours melt into days. Days melt into week. Weeks melt into months, months into years. And 4 years pass us by just like that. 10 years, 20 years, 30 years down the road, would you still remember me? Would you still remember those times when we laugh our minds off and cry our hearts out loud? I cannot assure you that I will think of you just the same way I am now, and I am sure neither can you. But just for now, let us relish those memories, savour the moments, hold our hands tight and our hearts close until we meet and part ways once again.

With lots of hugs and loves (:

P.S. I know, I know. I got all mushy and sappy. Give me this one just for once, will ya?

P.P.S. This is the 2nd time I am writing this post. Churning out such emo words makes my brain die a little bit inside. Excuse me while I try to regain my upbeat positiveness, and my neurons.

"Hello people I'm not dead and neither is my blog!"

2009-03-29T21:33:00.004+08:00

is what I always like to shout out, but more often than not my laziness takes over and I end up writing a boring blog post instead.

Not this time though. For all the patience a silent online diary could ever give me; all the seemingly little words that harbour much love, care and concern; I will be on hiatus for now. That is to say, not blogging, and FB-ing only once a week unless otherwise required. Whoever that loves me too much can still SMS me though :D

SO, see you on the other side of A level!

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-26T01:39:00.003+08:00

My New Year's resolutions, which are delayed til CNY cos I was lazy (:

Focus and concentrate. Because that is about all I have to succeed, and because I haven't been trying enough (I should know, right?)

Prioritise. I know by now what's worth it and what's not.

I can. Everybody knows that, only I didn't. Reverse psychology doesn't work, only constant reminders and concentration do.

Because it never hurts to try, and I won't know how to swim 'til I jump in with both feet.

Be nice - smile more. Being cold ain't cool, it merely drives people away.

Back to basics, as advised.

On the other hand, also avoid verbal diarrhoea because people can get REALLY annoyed.

Know my friends and foes. And show no mercy to the latter. Also, ignore irrelevant beings.

Only judge people once I've heard all sides of the story. If need be, find out myself.

Listen to those with experience. On the other hand, bear in mind that adults do make mistakes. Make sure that my conviction isn't some stubborn thought (somehow).

I think that's it for now. Yeah (:

Twilight

2008-12-31T15:35:00.007+08:00

As much as I like manga art in general, this really is too much =__=

Not to mention the title, which is a real clunker. Wait, my mistake. THREE clunkers.

"The boy whom I love is a vampire". "Blood tastes sadness". "The vampire family in the darkness". WTF?

So much for the Jap's art of exquisite subtlety. Blah.

Not like the Twilight series itself has so much to offer, but still.

I'm not dead!

2008-12-23T16:51:00.007+08:00

I know I've been absent for a considerable amount of time, the reason of which shall not be disclosed here, but you can be sure that I didn't intentionally ditch you all and went breathless :D

To those who knows in bits and pieces, the issue has not come to a close, but HECK I'M FREAKING FLYING HOME TOMORROW!

To be honest, this holidays has been considerably tiring, nerve-wrecking, and morally challenging, much more than the rest. It was somebody else's battle as well, but let's talk about me ~~since I've become a selfish creature of late~~. We finished whatever we could do during the first few days, and I wanted to get over it already. There was a minor battle between an authority that is called school, and the other no much less authoritative that is called parents, of which I'm the messenger flanked between. And me myself torn between responsibility, selfishness, pure rationales and impulses. All my processed thoughts pointed to "going home". Alas, I stayed back ~~thanks to the life-long authority~~. And I questioned myself, am I that much of a selfish individual? It was supported by rational thinking, but selfish nevertheless. And even when I'm writing this now, I still think I should have gone back ~~so whatever you told me was pointless, I'm sorry, but I think there's only a feeble 0.5% chance that you would read this~~.

And the days have been hellish. Staying in a hostel devoid of any source of entertainment except the internet (which, timely enough, went down for 5 days) didn't help, and having a 10PM curfew after a series of must-attend meals renders other options impossible. Thanks for pointing out that I'm blaming the wrong authority here, but come on, this freaks me out! (And thanks for supporting me emotionally during those days, you know who you are, and I *heart* you :D

It was mugging at library alone, and shopping alone, and going to the movie alone. ~~Wasting money therapy~~ Shopping therapy was relieving, only temporarily. Once I stepped back into the hostel, it sank in again that I was still trapped here. And for shopping therapy to not help, this is a first, due to the lack of companionship perhaps?

SIAN

So anyway, those days from hell will technically end tomorrow, and I'm spending Christmas at home, which was already a blessing - I considered other much worse scenarios. And Friday to Saturday in Da Lat. My gosh I wish it were longer; I could shed my tan there :\

And it seems a little too late for the Da Lat - Nha Trang - Vung Tau trip you all planned :\ million times sorry!

I will be racing against time to complete the remaining part of my holidays assignments. The piano pieces I planned to practice over the holidays are out of the question; circumstances didn't allow me, it wasn't my fault. So are the 5 extra things I planned to do. I could substitute the 5 books I read with Twilight series, although I guess that's cheating because each book is only 200-300 page long.

And I think I'm getting a bit incoherent. Thanks to reading Twilight til late, not to mention on a laptop screen. This would surely screw my eyes, but I figure since I'm gonna get LASIK one of these days anyway, it doesn't matter that much because the degrees aren't that high. Only that now I'm having a slight headache; I was on and off living a nocturnal life.

My verbal diarrhea ends here. ~~omg if I write like this for GP next year I'm screwed!~~

Warning: emo

2008-12-02T23:17:00.006+08:00

Since Linh (who's like the only other person in the hostel right now. But that's not the point here) told me to update, I will. But even my life has been so painfully uneventful I don't even know what to do with it, not to mention my blog. Like, you wouldn't want things like "I'm so damn bored" entry after entry, no?

Therefore, I will rant. Emo rant. Viewer's discretion advised. If you're bored, and don't want to read this still, go here instead.

For the past 1.5-2 years, I've tried to build up my confidence. If you happen to know the me before that, or if you happen to go through the same thing, there wouldn't be much for me to say here about the difficulties.

So this is not for all the people who're already born with such huge confidence they just shove things out of their ways to advance relentlessly.

Being able to feel good about yourself times after times of failures is not easy. Sometimes I dropit. No matter, pick it up again.

Yet it seems like the confidence that I've built up only helps turn me more extroverted. Being able to meet new people, talk to new people, befriend them, and all.

That's it.

Sometimes insecurities surface.

Like when I was wondering whether I'm really somebody's friend. Reading this and that here and there, I wonder if that's really about me. I really don't think I matter that much to some, do I?

Maybe not.

Like when I meet a new person. And then all this nostalgia comes rushing back, reminding me of my old inferiority complex. I swear I will not get tangled in that. Things will become as complicated as the new Facebook, and I don't ever want them to.

Like when I thought I've become kind of close to some, only to discover that they are not really a good listener afterall because they don't seem to understand where my rants are directed to. All of a sudden, because last time they did. Or maybe they're just stressed.

So do people under stress turn into something they're not, or simply reveal their true colours?

Ah well shall not rant anymore. Things always manage to resolve themselves in the end. The only thing left for me to do is to just bulldoze things and move forward.

People are straight lines. You converge, intersect, then diverge again. Only hoping for the world to suddenly turn non-Euclidean, so that lines can intersect again and again, would be futile. As a matter of fact, it isn't.

Prom dress mood

2008-11-16T22:27:00.007+08:00

The J2s have finished/are finishing A level soon. Then there'll be prom that makes a J1 like me wonder what I should wear next year.

Something like this?

Laura Bennett's Spring 2007 collection

I want a shorter version. Okay, maybe less beading on the top.

Or this.

Jolibe Fall 2008

But umm, would it be expensive to tailor something similar?

Holidays thus far

2008-11-15T18:57:00.005+08:00

Has been more productive than last year's.

I lazed around all day doing things like practicing piano (Scarlet done. Woohoo!), going to Orchard (once), sleeping, NOT eating more than usual, reading Onion news, and so on.

Also, learned to appreciate the comfort that HCIBS provides more than ever, with basketball court and greeneries. Open spaces and more open spaces. Once we move to NJCBS there'd be no more of this. No more playing cards. No more talking crap downstairs, during breakfast, lunch and dinner.

As it has dawned on us, future could be worse. Imagine this.

DISCLAIMER: This is entirely fictional. It is totally not a true description of the new hostel in any way.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner in army style, with teachers dining together with students, with seating according to houses, with a dining hall so small all houses cannot even eat at the same time.

No Blue Tea or any other form of convenience store. So in times of starvation, of sucky hostel food (occasionally, hopefully), of getting back to hostel late, of a million zillion other reasons that an imaginative 3 year hostel dweller could ever think of, one should just bear with it.

No music room. So maybe some will have to resort to the piano with spoilt pedal at the canteen. Why not just cease to practice altogether?

No gym, for the same reason.

No lift for a 6 storey building. I can then get Gold for NAPFA in my final year.

No laundry service or laundry room. Then we have to wash our own clothes. And hang them dry.

Better yet. Access to water is only available at groundfloor because water pressure isn't high enough. Prepare your buckets and climb staircases to get water.

Or like, public bathrooms like the kind they have in Japan. OMG yucks

Bunk beds! Without mattress! Singapore's weather is hot, it might be the most brilliant and economical idea ever. Since there's no air-con anyway.

No open spaces for emo kids.

Okay now this is getting stupidly comical.

Don't blame me for letting my imagination run wild. Blame Ms. Weird Shiny for brainstorming all this together with me.

Your mommy has probably taught you to always stay optimistic even through hardest times, so this thought kicks in, "Without any distraction (or comfort for that matter), I can finally MUG!".

What is optimistic and comforting about that? Beat me!

PW, overnighting, hotcakes, and first kiss drama

2008-11-09T02:56:00.012+08:00

*inhales*

OMG PROJECT WORK IS FREAKING OVER!!! *confetti in the air*

I didn't have a chance to celebrate, having to head straight for overnight ob session at NP.

Which, to my surprise (not!), turned into a night taiti session.

But I, as usual, am of course glad that I went.

And morning marks the (n-1)th time I have hotcakes for breakfast (n: number of times having breakfast at macs).

It's not pretty. I know =.=

I headed straight for bed as soon as I reached hostel. Slept all the way from 1130am to 930pm. And now I'm sleepy still.

Now watching First Kiss episode 4, with the brother who gives me the same feeling I had last time while reading Don Quixote. Unpleasant and irritated. Like, COME ON!

Having Hiraoka Yuta there is such a relief.

And oh, I constantly wonder whether urban Japan has such nice dark sky and effective light pollution control. Whenever the emo person looks up, he/she will face this dark sky filled with stars which are probably as faint as 4th magnitude.

First Kiss, however, bothers to put up the correct night sky.

It's Scorpius! And stars at 3.78 magnitude!

Cannot be right? ._.

Nitpicky as usual...

Life thus far

2008-11-03T23:57:00.006+08:00

has been utterfly uneventful.

1. End of year percentile was out. Mine goes like this:

I see a parabolic trajectory, and I could only be glad that I didn't have a 6th subject.

Oh wait, don't tell me PW follows this graph too.

2. I couldn't go for Ubin camp ): Sky was cloudy for the whole week, and then it magically cleared when weekend comes. Somebody hates me ): God knows what fantastic sky they had in Ubin, but I know no matter how superb mine is in mainland Singapore, without a scope (or even binocs) I'm rendered useless.

3. Sleepover at Pam's house for PW. No Internet for 26 hours straight. Group really got much done in the absence of temptations and distractions. Loved the swimming pool. Loved the jacuzzi. Loved the playground. Loved the food, of course! I maintain my view that the most essential electronic item in a household is a fridge stuffed with food.

And by the pool at 3 in the morning, beloved Winter constellations were back high at zenith. Which reminds me that I missed Ubin camp, and that sucked ): Seeing them glimmering in the middle of urbanised Singapore is nice though.

4. Caught up with Gossip girl episode 8.

It's making me very emo now ): And the soundtrack (Dark on fire - Turin Brakes) for that scene is kind of dark and disturbing O_o

Really. Just look at the video clip.

But then, the music is nice =D

Did I just make a brainless post?

Of things and more things to get done

2008-10-23T01:19:00.007+08:00

5 piano pieces that I hope to go through by the end of December holidays:

- The heart asks the pleasure first

- Scarlet

- True Light

- Big my secret

- Fantaisie - Impromptu (Op.66)

5 assignments that I have to get done by the end of December holidays:

- Physics revision packageS

- Maths revision package

- Chemistry revision package

- General paper holidays assignment

- Geography reading materials (measured a few centimetres thick)

5 books that I want to finish reading/reread by the end of December holidays:

- The 5 people you meet in heaven

- The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

- The kite runner

- Life of Pi

- 100 years of solitude

5 other random things that I want to at least touch on by the end of December holidays:

- Going through algorithms for 4x4 Rubik's cube

- Making at least 5 birthday cards

- Finding 9 new Messier objects

- Collimating Meade 8"

- Family portraits

Never set goals for manga/anime/drama. It's gonna be exceeding your expectations anyway.

Orionids

2008-10-20T11:58:00.008+08:00

Here comes the last Orionids of my JC life.

With the goal initially set as "a night of gathering, not stargazing" (quoted JP the chicken), it was more than what one would expect. I got both.

Stargazing, certainly. Sky was not exceptionally good, but it was just enough. Not like there's anything interesting with autumn sky, especially when you're in Singapore. Still, I learned a couple of few things. (That the C8 is heavily out of collimation. And M93 looks like l_c_ p_nt__ according to Mr Mooey).

Gathering and socialising were more than just good.

Because there were random people turning up. Really, like people unrelated to astro. More like, people related to people who are related to astro. Which is to say Singapore is small, or the astro community is just very well-connected.

Because there were weirdos. Weirdo no.1 and weirdo no.2 and weirdo boss and possibly all other kinds of weirdos coming from the same school.

Because talking crap was entertaining as ever.

Because taiti (oh heck the spelling) the ultimate astro game never failed to make me happy.

All just made it ever so worthwhile. Not only because of astro per se but also thanks to the people.

And er, it was the first star party that I slept more than 1 hour although sky was good.

I'm telling myself not to do the one thing I've done after several star parties.

Of promos

2008-10-15T22:29:00.004+08:00

That's my 1-year worth of notes, measuring 27-cm of thickness, with human geography crowned as the thickest. Next year it will be 2.5 times the amount, and even that is a highly optimistic projection.

Promos.

I don't exactly want to say I did okay. "Okay" on its own is a rather arbitrary adjective, and I deem comparison as a fairer assessment of how I fare among my peers. Everytime this comes, I would be wondering where to look, at those top above or just below, and how I measure against them. Percentile (which is yet to be released) is not entirely accurate either, for my aims at various subjects differ. A 85% percentile for GP is not the same as one for Physics, and in the first place I don't know where I am supposed to be.

One thing is for sure. I obviously did not spend much time mugging. Which shows its consequences through Chemistry, and maybe Physics.

Geography results gave me this feeling that I just got rather lucky, and DRQ scores do not measure up with essay scores. Taking into account the fact that it was the other way round for Common Test, I suppose I'm messing around with this and not getting the hang of it. Not at all.

Same goes for GP. God knows what can be done to this. More blog-hopping?

I'm only ever contented with Maths, which would just make some go "duh!". Ah well~

I'm not one of plans and goals. The INTP in me only feels motivated and satisfied by the process rather than the outcome.

As such, I'm telling myself now to just start on the revision package already; the supposed "fun" will persist longer than enough for the entire holidays. And no plans. NO PLANS. No setting goals to finish half of Physics package before mid - November or whatever.

Just that I still haven't bought TYS Physics and Chemistry. Now where has my money gone to?

Sometimes I'm glad I'm kinda nerdy.

And sometimes I feel puzzled by the fact that NJC papers are ALWAYS harder than other JCs. What for? At the end of the day it would just look bad on our certificates.

Emo warning

2008-10-12T19:30:00.006+08:00

I just had a brief nervous breakdown an hour ago.

A piece of news came in. Right in the middle of my dinner. It managed to make me lose my appetite, which, I tell you, is an impressive task, considering the fact that I only ever lose my appetite because of the food itself (you can go on about how easy a life I've been having such that I never have to encounter such a crisis, but whatever).

It just happens that the news concerns the only one thing that I would ever die for (or live for, for that matter). It was the beginning of the new me (which I currently love a great deal). If someone takes that away from me, it's gonna be the end.

I'm going over what to do. And I realise, I don't really have much of a back-up plan.

I know what will be will be. Just that right when I thought everything's gonna be okay, things are looking fine, etc. etc., it just comes crashing down the lane, burying my efforts altogether.

Talking to friend really relieved the stress, albeit just a little bit. As the advice goes, let's not worry about things until it goes official, then I'll go down with everything I have (that is, if I have enough in the first place).

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Update:

It's confirmed. Now tell me what to do. Cos I don't know. It probably will turn out fine afterwards, but things won't be the same way it was before.

I will trade anything, really, ANYTHING, to get it back. But I guess the other party won't agree to the deal.

Books, or my lack thereof

2008-09-29T17:12:00.004+08:00

Copied this from my senior, ex-ex-ex (correct right?) astro pres. I figure I should have some reflection on what I've been doing. Or what I've been reading that is.
So to follow the guidelines, in bold are those I've read for at least 50%, and in italics are those I've planned to read. After 'A' level I mean.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Count: 22 read, 18 planned to read. Damn! Not even half T_T

I suppose Singapore is not a conducive place for my reading pleasure, for I'm reading much less than I used to.

I would pick a random book off the shelf intending to bring myself to sleep faster at 10pm. Then some time later I would see mum coming into my room asking me why I woke up so early in the morning. A glance at the clock told me it was 5am. Then afternoon naps were even more easily skipped.
Those times were easy. Homework was not so overwhelming and demanding. Tests were not so challenging as to require you to have a good night's sleep. I wonder why I didn't suffer from sleep deprivation last time.
My plan was to finish my family's whole collection of books before I graduate from university. I don't think I will reach that goal, because goals and plans are never my things, but reaching as close as possible is nevertheless a justified pursuit.

The other day during GP paper, after being stumped by the fact that there wasn't even a single question on environment and technology, I picked the one on whether books will have a future. I bet my arguments were all awfully faulty and I will probably get a bad grade this time, but I still stand that books are irreplaceable.

Books were and are always my good friends (:

Random updates after a long time

2008-09-28T00:10:00.006+08:00

I don't know whether this is gonna be a long post.

1. Promos is over.
I know I don't sound as excited as I should be. My MSN display message has already done me the favor.

2. 2 days ago (26/9) was my 3 year anniversary since I came to Singapore. Whatever happened and will happen, I still insist that it was the correct decision under such circumstances.

3. To hell with shopping therapy. Right after promos. Now I'm gonna starve.

4. Almost forgot to mention my commendable effort in not going on MSN for 3 whole weeks.

5. Some 1 week before the start of GP paper, Hi-chan and I helped CLDDS with a moon-gazing session in their annual Mid Autumn celebration. A waxing gibbous Moon (eww) and Jupiter went on display. The college's guests were happy, the principal and VPs were happy, the CLDDS members and participants were happy. Therefore I'm happy.
Then I was again asked how much an observatory would cost. I just hope she won't faint when hearing the real figures the next time I see her. Or she'd better faint after signing her approval.
I just couldn't help feeling a bit irritated with some prior to the event. I know it was the rational thing to do. Just that when THIS is concerned, my rationality is overidden, and it was a false dilemma.

6a. Pam asked me to install a new tagboard.
In the process of recovering my account, I glanced through my old tagboard. The messages from last time were still there, and nostalgia came rushing back. It was a pity things happened that way, really. What you casually said really came true (albeit partially), didn't it? But who am I to do anything?
No no no don't go emo over this!!!

6b. Okay I'm still wondering whether to install a new tagboard because I don't like seeing the same messages for weeks just because some/all are too lazy to tag ):
Oh well I'm just installing it then. And you all better tag AT LEAST ONCE!
It's not the old tagboard though.

7. "The Illusionist" was nice. "The girl who leapt through time" wasn't quite, being typically Japanese. Now I've got a few more to go. And a series that someone (I forgot who it was D: ) should pass me next week. Pam, pass me something too!!!

8. Went to CIP appreciation day today to find out that the elderly can be so damn on. And the people there are unbelievably friendly and totally not stage-shy. Interesting.
And yet again I was told that I turned out to be chattier than I looked. Should I change my look to match my personality or change my personality to match my look? Now don't get me wrong. Let me tell you that I'm not going emo over this in case you all come running in offering consolation as if I were some emotionally unstable psychopath ._.
Just that it'd be sad if next time I fail to befriend someone who thought I'm like blah blah blah while I'm actualy blah blah just because I look blah. (sorry I know I sound dumb =.=)

9. The school cut down on ALL my post-exam Fridays! Now what am I gonna do?

The post should end here because I'm going back to watching Christian Siriano and swooning over ruffles and sleeves.
Just a gentle reminder: Tag. So that I know my blog=me is loved/liked/hated/read (:

Random sinful quiz

2008-09-06T23:47:00.006+08:00

Woo what's this! I didn't know I'm this sinful! lmao

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

What's with the highs and very-highs and extremes, and only falling to level 5 still. Some must be awesomely devilish to be able to reach level 9.

The good news is, I'm not a christian (or any other religion), and as a matter of fact, I can't be going to hell.

How fallacious the world can be.

Some emoness and some randomness

2008-09-01T04:57:00.006+08:00

Anne, you are never going to get how all this works.

18 years and 9 months, how much of it has potentially taught you about all this? About 0.01%.
Standing outside of a situation looking in always proves so wise, that you never get it if you're not the person herself.
Now you are clear and calmed enough to recall the reason why you have been buried in books for the past 18 years. Books are absolutely good friends ALL the time. Eternity and unchanging-ness are always of your favour. Something so unpredictable and dynamic as those not-so-book-like things do not suit you afterall.
There are things that are sacred, untouchable, sensitive, and basically hard to deal with. This is not your forte, not something you should have involved yourself in. Being the clumsy person you are, especially with this aspect of life, you should know better. Because it's yourself, and no one else.
18 year old is still quite young. But not young enough to be allowed to make mistakes like this.

Incidentally, Wikipedia says that there's some correlation between your INTP personality type and Schizoid personality disorder. Maybe that explains it.
On second note, you should not be exactly glad Isaac Newton is also an INTP. And Albert Einstein. Brilliant individuals indeed, but making controversial debates over the invention of calculus, or having 2 marriages is not quite the way to go.

And oh yeah, this sounds interesting. At least to myself.

"The INTJ resembles a chess player, ruminating on the possibilites and then making decisive accurate moves. If the INTP played life as chess, he would keep wishing to modify the allowed-move-properties of his various pieces to optimise his strategy, find that that isn't allowed, and ask to start the game afresh! The ENTP chess player would indeed modify the rules to his advantage and complain that the standard rules were inadequate! The ENTJ would play by the standard rules but insist on making the moves for his opponent as well!"

"INTPs make very poor leaders, for they depend too much on the attitudes of others". Ahaha. Ha.

Anne, you really should go back to books.

Random no.2

2008-08-26T19:46:00.010+08:00

It's gloomy rainy weather still.
Not that I don't like colorful rainbows that occasionally come about in this weather...

... but seriously, cloudy sky sucks.

I know I won't like staring at M0 overnight at Palawan beach either. The idea of playing taiti, or movie marathon, or just chatting through the night do not seem all that bad, but rushing back from Sentosa in time for lesson at 9am is certainly not pleasant. Same is listening to special relativity after a sleepless night. Which makes me wonder, should i bring notes there and mug?

It irritates me when life's not in control.
GP. I. Can't. Get. It. One day you score A. The next day, you score C. AQ score goes up while summary score sinks down. And I thought I somehow got the gist of it. It would be pretty much a problem if it persists until prelims next year. AND WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT PRELIMS NOW WHEN I'M STILL J1 ANYWAY???
Same goes for Geog DRQ.

One can't succeed in life like this D:

My entries are getting repetitive. I don't like this :\

Random

2008-08-21T20:15:00.019+08:00

The weather has been gloomy for the past few days. And rain. I don't like rain. It give runny nose. It gives me headaches. It gives me muscle pains (or is it because of the PE lesson the other day?). It gives me cloudy sky. Worst of all, rain brings about this emo mood that, when coupled with the current prelims period and the upcoming promos, really makes you want to pon school. No, I didn't pon school this week (:

This weekend is gonna be a relatively free one. Only one astro session on Friday at AGCC, Physics O training on Saturday morning, and another astro session until night at MPCC. No PW meeting on Sunday. First time I can wake up late in the morning for the past 4 weeks. And incidentally, my PW is on sleep deprivation. Sigh.

I have a sudden urge to eat cheesecake. Go starbucks. Go shopping. Go Mersing. Mug astro. Practice "The Piano" soundtrack. And Scarlet. And True Light. And make cards. And get the painting done. And finish the 8 books that I bought the other day. Etc.

There'll always be this thought of "After promos" followed by "After PW" then "After A level". So much to do. So little time.

Someone certainly made my day (:

Taboo

2008-08-19T23:16:00.008+08:00

Played Taboo during GC today. There would, of course, be lame jokes, often coming from my 01 class guys. Oh the usual.

Things like...

"Wen Loong doesnt wear...."
"Underwear!" (answered by WL himself. Like wth ._.)

"Short form for chinese ochestra!"
"CO!"
"Okay good! Now. The thing girls wear across their chest"
"Huh? What? Eh, bra?" "Why suddenly bra???" "Wth"
"You idiot, connect the words"
"C... O... bra... Cobra?"
=.=

My turn.
"Meteor what?"
"Shower?" (my classmates are so smart!)

A few cards later
"What shower?"
"Er meteor?" "zzz"
These are not meant to be jokes of course!

"Victoria's..."
"Secret!"

or

"French..."
"kiss!"

I'm so glad I have friends who completely know what's going on in my head :D

Moon (:

2008-08-18T14:57:00.007+08:00

I took this through Baby G Takahashi refractor (which is obviously not mine) using my lousy camera phone. Nevertheless, this is the nicest moon photo I've taken so far. The quote "Everything's relative" suddenly comes to mind. Ah well.

Now someone's gotta teach me how to do processing. Not that I've much materials to start with :|

Charlie the Unicorn

2008-08-15T19:23:00.004+08:00

Ah, freaking funny. Perfectly suits my current random mood.
I admit that I felt totally annoyed and disturbed =))

I love me some good allegory!

Randomness

2008-08-13T17:54:00.006+08:00

I've been in a very random mood.

Random enough to do PW on National Day. And PW sucks.

Trudy must have been feeling the same, as all of a sudden, she whined, "I wanna go watch NDP!".
Never knew she was such a pervert. Andy must have been coughing his soul out somewhere.

Which also reminded me of this random thought I had a few days ago.
If I'm not wrong, Japanese can't really differentiate 'r' and 'l'.
So I was wondering whether they'd have problems discussing US election with the Americans.

Ha! Why did I waste my neurons on this!

Emo rant

2008-08-05T21:17:00.007+08:00

Once in a while there would be moments when you think you're doing so well, then all of a sudden everything crumbles down.

Once in a while there would be moments when you think you have really worked things out, then all of a sudden everything that seems to have resolved themselves reverts back to the way they were.

Such is how unstable things become just because of merely a few words. Once the real sentiments surface, one finds herself in the middle of this mess that she has been trying forever to get out of, this mess that looks tough once but crumbles at a light brush.

Optimists view this as darkness before dawn. Pessimists insist dawns are rather escapism's manifestation. That darkness and dawns take over each other as the arrow of time zips forward is an absolute fact.

I am anything but optimistic. And I simply view this as emo-ness.

I had a chance to relieve myself of all this. Having to just give a hand and not be the arrowhead is a god's bless. I unfortunately believe in no god. Thus came the situation which I am immersed too deep in.

"Why didn't you just give it up?", you ask. Was there a choice? Life presented me with no other option than that, rendering the act of thinking over the decision ridiculous. I wanted it. Or I didn't want it. Actually I did, just that it was not for that reason which reigns others' minds.

I very well knew I couldn't, but ended up poking my nose in anyway. Should I have stayed out of this? Would it have been better if I had? What do you mean by "better"? For I, me and myself? Or for its own sake?

Where did it all go wrong?

Makes me ponder over Full Metal Alchemist's Hoheinheim's act of casting his Pride homunculus aside before all else.

How do you normally overcome your emo-ness? Emo-ness which stems from particular problems never truly disappear, unless the roots of everything are resolved. In the event that they don't, not in the given period of time at least, who am I to do anything?

Ignorance is bliss. Truly. Living in shallowness poses as an attractive option, which manages to pull me away for a moment.

But emo-ness is always conserved and transferred from one to another. The old self creates discomfort for its owner. The new self brings irritation to the surrounding people. Some.

Now, for some not-so-nice-looking and never finely-chiseled words. Pardon my language.
You think I want it is it? You think I freaking want to stuck my head in this? No, no and NO. I'm damn sick of this. How would you be able to understand? Maybe you don't? Not at all! I wouldn't be getting such $#!+ otherwise. Not from you. Not worth it for me to be getting all crazily emo over such nonsensical comments and issues! So now I'm the evil now huh? Ah yeah? I don't care! YOU! Do not make assumptions.

I desperately hope this is a false dilemma.

Astro ghost story

2008-08-03T20:14:00.006+08:00

During the recent NUS ob, we were talking about ghost stories and horrors and stuff. Then someone (ZY?) came up with a brilliant idea of having an astro-themed ghost story, something like "There was a DSO that you would never be able to find even if you tried hard looking for it. People who stumbled upon it at their eyepiece would die within 3 days, unless they could get 3 more people to look at the DSO..." or something along those lines.

Turned out that someone had already thought of that, thus came this manga chapter from the series "Uzumaki".
Admittedly, it is nonsensical =.=". Then again, it is good enough an achievement that the spelling was correct.

Choice//Decision

2008-07-28T23:27:00.004+08:00

Life is full of moments when you ought to make decisions. Thus came the question of how to make the right choice.

Then again, what determines whether one's decision is right?

Life ain't single-choice questions that you can just tick and be fully satisfied with a measly 25% chance of luck when you are at a loss of what to choose. Facing you are MCQs (that you really have to see whether more than one choice is correct), open-ended questions, short-structured, long-structured questions, essay questions, comprehension, and so on.

At the very least, it's not so harsh like exams, where once you've shaded that option and handed in your paper, there isn't much you can do afterwards. Life where it is full of possibilities allows you to fix your mistakes, albeit at varying degrees.

Then again, when faced with those possibilities, one feels less pressurised to make the decision. He might be anyhow deciding it thinking he could fix it later were it to turn wrong, or flipping the coin, or delaying the whole thing together.

The one aspect of life that I arbitrarily and ironically hate is its ever-changing and full of possibilities nature. Or at the very least, human life that is. Wouldn't it be great if you already knew the future? Then no matter what you did, life would just turn out the way it was supposed to be. Like how you could skip 'A' level and get an air ticket to Flagstaff and it wouldn't really matter much.

The Butterfly's effect: Does the flap of a butterfly's wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas? I don't really like to be the butterfly.

But the butterfly wouldn't have to care about people in Texas, wouldn't it? If people are completely individualistic, would the world be in chaos?

Overdose

2008-07-27T21:56:00.005+08:00

Life is pretty much on the impulsive side these days.

Like how this Friday, Ms. Shiny and I came down to dining hall for dinner and realised it was unswallowable beyond imagination. Called up Ms. Phd who just came back from school to settle for dinner at Coro. For some reason, once you go up to the 2nd level of 174, you can't really turn back and get off at Coro, thus Thai Noodle House's dinner turned into Pepper Lunch's at Orchard.
Went round and round and bumped into random people who subsequently bumped into more random people. Yours truly was only so glad she who was in uniform and flipflops didn't run into any teacher.

Like how this Saturday we went FairPrice and ended up getting a 99% (or so they claimed) dark chocolate bar, which was REALLY bitter. Lesson learnt.
Still got 85% of the chocolate bar left. Anyone?

Like how today I went to watch Dark Knight with friend, and the uber large popcorn really turned out to be too much to handle. Was very surprised we could actually finish the whole thing. And I remember something like this happening before. Now why didn't I learn the lesson?

Ugh, still feeling full because of the popcorn...

Bleh D:

2008-07-21T16:03:00.007+08:00

The long awaited common test result was back some time ago, and mine is anything but fantastic. Over the course of 2 weeks, my spirit level went like this:

I can't quite recall how many times I've been doing this, scoring in subjects I'm not supposed to be good at and flunking those that I'm supposed to ace. I wonder why. That I scored B for Maths and C for Physics is already a wonder (Chemistry is another story altogether). That I scored another 2Bs for both Geography and GP is something worth pondering over as well. Heh.

No matter. Now is an appropriate time to put this up:

Let's just make this quick

2008-07-07T21:16:00.010+08:00

I'm probably too relaxed. My awesomely infuriating common test result has arrived and promos is some 10 weeks away, and I'm reading books. But The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a nice one. Really.

Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.
This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.
Ah ... ! What's happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now ... oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It's a sort of ... yawning, tingling sensation in my ... my ... well I suppose I'd better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let's call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, it's getting quite strong. And hey, what's about this whistling roaring sound going past what I'm suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that ... wind! Is that a good name? It'll do ... perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I've found out what it's for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What's this thing? This ... let's call it a tail - yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can't I? Wow! Wow! That feels great!
Doesn't seem to achieve very much but I'll probably find out what it's for later on. Now - have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I'm quite dizzy with anticipation ...
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now isn't it?
And wow! Hey! What's this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ... ow ... ound ... round ... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?
And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence.

After reading this particular paragraph, the whole scene just materialised in my mind in some sort of manga-anime-ish way.
I just realised it should not be G because Magrathea is not really Earth. But nevermind. And then I realised I meant g and not G, and slapped myself over my stupid mistake.

I wanted to blog about common test results, but the last 2 papers are not back yet. Not that I'm feeling any hope, because they happen to be Geog and GP. No chance.
I wanted to blog about the ob on Friday night at ECP too. But astronomy-wise it was not so productive a night. I figured I really shouldn't go to an ob unprepared. The fact that it was clouded from after midnight til morning probably didn't help. Anyhow, originally I almost wanted to stay home, and so I'm glad I came afterall (:

Today in hostel

2008-07-01T22:57:00.002+08:00

Heard at hostel's director's dialogue session this evening:

Boarder: Can you keep the males at the office's male-box for more than one month?

Director: Everyday we've got a lot of males coming in. Each month it amounts to about two big bags of males. If we don't dispose of the males stored at the office, they'll accumulate and take up a lot of space. It's virtually impossible to store all these males, so if you can, try to get your males as fast as possible...

Considering that it's a boys' school's boardingschool, this makes perfect sense.

Dumb Wars

2008-06-17T18:17:00.002+08:00

In an attempt to ease up the stress from the upcoming common test...

A bit older than The Dumb Pluto War (which everyone should have known by now), we've got The Solar System's Nomenclature War.

"The origin of the word "cubewano" is perhaps the most extreme example of nomenclative amusement among astronomers.

The first KBO found was initially designated 1992 QB1, Parker explains. It's a name that denotes the year, month and order of discovery and is typical for newfound objects whose orbits are not pinned down. It was later learned that 1992 QB1 was a "main belt" KBO, not a Plutino, and so astronomers just began sounding out "QB1" and a new term was born."

Ridiculously enlightening indeed...

I swear, one day, if I am ever in any astro competition comm, I will make at least one question, if not more, out of this. Far more fun than comparing supergiants to onions.

AC 2008 day 2

2008-06-11T10:38:00.008+08:00

Gonna make this post short.

AC 2nd day started out with special round, which involved the ever so familiar boardgame with randomly scattered questions. I guess we did alright, considering the fact that I got 4 blanks (no question) in a row after the first 2 questions or so. But no question = very boring ):

Then finals came.
Junior finalists included BP team 1&2, RI team 1&2, and RGS. Whatever happened to the other schools :\
RI walked away with Gold, followed by BP and the other RI team.
Senior finalists included RJC team 1&2, ACJC, HCI, and NJC.
1st round was individual round, which we didn't do very well.
2nd round was Bail or no bail (=.=") where I realised I don't have any good sense for the gambling kind of gameshows and such.
3rd round. Buzzer round. Gave me heartattack everytime. AC, RJC (the guys' team), and HCI buzzed in most of the time, while we could only buzz twice. There are people who were saying the buzzers got problems, but well, what ese could be done about it?
Gold was taken by RJC, with ACJC being 2nd followed by HCI.

We got 4th (or 5th?) again, a repeat from last year's junior final, with almost the same people. Sad it is, but convincing, yup. Anyway I still have next year, while this is already the last year for some, so gotta look forward (:
Emotional consolation from pwning all for ob round is not enough :\ Why wasn't there a separate prize for ob round as well like what they did for project round?

Now, time for reflections:
- Focus on self-mugging. Get someone else to train others. I'm no good at multitasking.
- Focus on theory more (might as well not spend any time on ob maybe?)
- I don't know what to do about the buzzer round part :\
- Get-train potential people for next year's team :D
- Start training eaerlier
- Sleep early the nights before lols
- Don't get into emotional issues right before competitions
etc.

Oh yes. A very big thank to my teammates shuwei, haiming, hung and boyuan for going through all this with me to the end. I bet sometimes before/during trainings and the prelim rounds I was very irritating, but sorry lah I can't help it =.= Or if you think I wasn't then gotta tell me :D Not being able to get into top 3 was regrettable, but at some point I seriously thought we couldn't even get into finals, so this is not too bad.
Next year, next year.

PS Dear senior(s), don't kill me. You've got good reasons not to.
PPS Help me add on to my reflections.
PPPS KFP rocks, especially with the star of the show right there XD
PPPPS Mr longantree, where were/are you?

AC 2008 day 1

2008-06-07T17:55:00.006+08:00

The night before I was trying to do some final touch-up on the spacesuit, and some last minute mugging. Ended up sleeping at 2am, and having to wake up at 6am means I walked to school in a very very dreamy state. Still, I took this picture early in the morning
Pretty (there's iridescent cloud to the left!), yes, but ain't pleasant knowing that the more clouds the worse it'll be for ob round.

Round 1: MCQ. I think I screwed up. But everyone else was saying they screwed up too. I don't really appreciate such questions as supergiants being similar to starfruits/watermelons/oranges though.
Round 2: Project round. Let me tell you something. From now on whenever I think/see/hear of the word 'spacesuit', I'll be spewing !@#$%^&*. You get the idea. And aren't little models of spacecrafts much nicer than a human-sized spacesuit model that cannot even be preserved entirely?
Round 3: Data analysis. And everyone screwed up again!
Round 4: Ob. Was hoping for clear sky so that we could ace. But God ain't nice ): Clouds, and haze, and poorly designed lighting fixtures around the field certainly didn't help. Why didn't anyone want to go down to the other field with me ): Only the theory ob paper made me feel better (:

To conclude, theory papers were much harder than the previous year's. And the ob objects were fewer. This is ironic. Why not just make the ob round harder, since it's only 10% anyway? I was hoping for a lot more ):
Let's just wait for Monday lols

Apart from all that, taiti, whenever and wherever it is, is always fun and much appreciated :D

Wah, continue mugging ~

Astrofest '08

2008-05-19T05:00:00.009+08:00

The day before I was gone to some obscure TCH centre. Indirect buses, which doubled my ez-link fare, and in such a critical period too ):
Then on the way back on bus 154, bumped into Dinie, and since I had nothing better to do (sorry I'm a slacker on Friday nights without astro), might as well crash his NPastro session XD turned out quite fun, and I got to meet and talk to a lot of people too XD
So because of that, I came back feeling quite sian, and was dozing off when talking on MSN. Thanks to those talking and enduring my on and off replies (:

I went to sleep quite early (comparatively), and so was able to wake up at 630 on Sat morning. Prepared everything. Set. Also applied for overnight leave (in case). Went to the meeting point. 1 junior wonderfully went missing. I left 13 missed calls on his phone.
Then went to ACJC ahead without him. Reached at 9:05 or so (like 5min late), and when I stepped into the LT there were already a lot of people there, some familiar faces missing however. We were not so late then XD Out of randomness, I called the missing junior, and he went like "Huh? Astrofest is today?" at me (!) You gotta be kidding me dear, with this attitude you ain't gonna survive. Fortunately he made it to ACJC 45min later and was only 1.5 stations late.
Somehow I became the photographer :\ and popped into the stations at random. Wah the Picture ID one looked fun (: The other stations like Pictionary, or Scrabble, or the Hangman (wait it's not hangman. forgot the name already), or Pyramid were interesting too. Bumped into the BP trio slackers (who, like me, were too lazy to do projects XD) at Pyramid station, and we formed one team for the Constellation category, and we pwned the other 2 official teams at 8-1-1 :D Lucky Kok Hong never put Sextans...
But! They put Sextans for the Pictionary station instead! Worse lah! Can you all not use Sextans anywhere for next year's Astrofest or not...
Then I left for Admilralty to help ferry the public. Also met up with Jovina. Jin Peng as usual arrived 10min late.
Astro Fair. I kicked CJC's magnetic field detector thingy T______T felt terribly guilty lah T______T
Went round and round, up and down, back and forth, from LT to Hub, doing random things, having random talks, and asking for random names :\
The Symposium talks were interesting enough, although some of Rong'en jokes were too cheem to understand =.=
Then it was the Games Final. Jeopardy was okay. And I particularly enjoyed Picture ID round as usual XD Double cluster picture popped up, somemore with the central piece revealed! And no one was able to answer. Seriously ._.
Then I had to leave early for SSC, so unable to watch the Prize presentation ceremony. Actually now when I'm writing this I still don't know what's the result =.=
Then led the public to the Observatory first. The public that was supposed to come, not any random public person. Or was there extra random public knowing the observatory would be open out of schedule on Saturday? :\
I was VERY hungry, not having had lunch nor dinner at all. Dinner arrived a bit later, and I couldn't really taste it :\
Then I randomly went emo a bit, and managed to recover later when I got to use the 16 incher :D Whoo~ Although it was kinda awkward with the way the scope was mounted :\ So I gave up on Jewel Box, couldn't start on Beehive ): and could only catch Saturn. But the view was nice enough :D
By then virtually everyone had already left except for Derek, Jian Yi, Mark, Rong'en and Yongli.
We didn't want to walk the long way, so everyone cut through the building to go back. Empty museum. At night. Somemore there was the dinosaur exhibit. Reminded me of Night at the Museum =.=
Walked to interchange and took bus back. Before I got on the bus the sky looked 80% clear. When I alighted in front of NJC it became 80% cloudy =.=
CMI on MSN, and decided to go to sleep early as well.

Oh yes, caught this on bus to SSC

Talking of pictures, I wonder if there's any standardisation for picture ID (not that anyone is still doing this now for serious compys)
(1)
(2)(3)
They would put (3) as Markarian's chain and (2) as Virgo cluster.
Shouldn't (3) be NGC 4435 and 4438/Markarian's eye, (2) be Markarian's chain (THAT's a CHAIN), and (1) be Virgo cluster (at least include M87)? Hmm...

Ah well it's 6:22AM, I'm sleepy, and I'm signing off (:

argh...

2008-05-05T20:28:00.008+08:00

Most of the time I wouldn't get so emo on blog since this is for the public to view (not that this site's traffic is high in the first place =.=)
Because it's just so contradicting that I half want and half avoid to talk about the incident that upset me, half need and half prevent the concerned person to know about it. That I have been actually very disturbed and need someone understanding enough should be made known too, but who would go around asking for it?
Then the entries would end up looking so weird, incomprehensible, neither here nor there, and left the readers thinking "so she's currently not quite in the right mind". lol.

So I did it again with my superbly terrible communicative skills. Not being able to get my message across, I ended up screwing up things. Now I am upset. The other party might also be upset. Overall things don't look good.
Then I would again wish that you/he/she/they would know how I am feeling without me saying it out loud.
Like mind-reading is possible.
Oh yes, it is. People who can totally read my mind are those whom I don't want my mind to be read by. People who can partially read my mind are generally not so distant but not so close to have such a need. People whom I want to understand what's going on in my mind totally can't comprehend me. Or don't even bother to. Such is the irony of life.

This is more devastating than I thought. Or may be I'm just thinking too much, exaggerating things, while it's actually not even a quarter that bad.
But the fact that I am very very very very very very very very very very upset is true.
It would be very magical indeed if YOU really figured out that this entry is actually about YOU.

warning: emo post ahead

2008-04-24T20:29:00.006+08:00

i like straightforward people.i for most of the time don't think i interpret people's words and actions correctly. wouldn't it be better if i could just know what the other party is thinking? then again, there would be no more privacy, no more challenges, no more fun of guessing and etc.
just that at times i can't help but feeling confused, keep on making far-fetched guesses and trap myself in this never-ending circular race.
i am kind of... unobservant, insensitive, and ignorant? occasionally come times for me to notice little details, but there aren't enough to make any conclusions. and arriving at the wrong conclusion would lead to catastrophic consequences.
which is why i still prefer straightforward people.

today miss weird-shiny said to me, "wish i could just abandon everything: school, scholarship, cip, cca... to just pursue art".
i, too, would also like to leave everything behind to just do the one thing that i like.
however, miss, it is easy saying "i can sacrifice everything for ABC". the challenging part lies in keeping your life in balance and still getting what you want.
we will thus have to try really hard. we've got 18 more months to do what we need to. after that will be time for what we want.

i am an 18-year-old random optimistic j1 student (:

OMG

2008-04-17T21:36:00.004+08:00

I received my phone bill.

No. of SMS (local): 1112 messages
Total amount due: S$67.54

Whose fault is it ):

NAPFA

2008-04-16T11:20:00.004+08:00

I have, for yet another time, managed to pass NAPFA. Whatever you might say, for a person who prefers walking to running, sitting to walking, and sleeping to sitting, NAPFA is no easy task.

Sit-ups: D
Shuttle run: B
Pull-ups: A
Sit and reach: C
Standing board jump: A
2.4km: 14m23s B

My 2.4km surprisingly improved a lot (1min!). Sit-ups, as expected, didn't improve at all. The strange thing is, I got A during my sec 3 year, and it spiraled down all the way to D from my sec 4 year onwards. Strange.
Anyway, as long I pass, I don't care whether I get silver or gold =D And as long as the item that I most take pride in, namely standing board jump, is an A grade, I can happily rest assured.

This also means there'll be no more exercising until January 2009. Yay!

Lyrids '08

2008-04-14T23:18:00.005+08:00

first half of the event at rp. i was somehow made the receptionist. my table was in the middle of nowhere, halfway between the one-stop centre and the forum where it was supposed to take place.
anyway, everything went fine. good thing very few people (i think) fell asleep during the movie that i chose! the game was fun, very fun, especially entertaining to the station masters. we just stood there enjoying ourselves, looking at the blindfolded participants colliding into one another when finding their way out of the maze :D to my surprise, the kids got first.

second half of the event at ecp (as usual). the preparation for treasure hunt was tiring ): but everything was okay after that (: with the kids clenching the first prize yet again.
then the night went on with clear sky, then cloudy sky, then clear sky... somewhere in between there would be taiti, trips to macs, chatting, some more taiti, etc. and i got scolded ): hmm nvm nvm (:

anyway, i really had a lot of fun (: and i bet a lot of people felt the same way (:

looking forward to lyrids '09

my sleeping debt is accumulating. how many weeks has it been that I can't sleep properly already? ugh...

of something that has been bugging me

2008-04-08T20:04:00.006+08:00

there's this club that I've belonged to since I first came to njc
okay lah, I did try out art club, guzheng, science and tech
but the fact that it remained my one and only cca throughout the years says something, no?

came the first year with no major happenings
wonder why i was so blur back then
wasted one whole year not participating actively enough, not mugging
nothing
yup, i deeply regret it

came the second year with an outburst of activities
where i really want to highlight that competitions are vitally necessary
and a lot of other stuff happened
which really made an impact on me. a lot
enough to make me drop art to pursuit science

then came the exco election
which, until now, still makes me want to question certain people
but never mind
the decision was already made
by a number of questionable people
yes, i was not good enough
but the people who defeated me
yes i'm using the word defeat
are supposed to be better, more deserving, no?
one batch stepped down
the next batch stepped up
at some point in time i remember telling someone that something was dying
dead
how do you view us now?
as deadly inactive?

how very expected

makes me wonder
1. whether i'm in a position to say all these
2. whether i was in a position to do something to change the situation
3. whether i'm in a position to make a change now
4. what do those currently in the positions think reading this

frustrating huh

anyway
here comes another exco election
how ar?

You know what? You should just ignore everything written above. Because it doesn't concern you anyway. Actually it concerns me and just me alone. Full stop.

Untitled no.2

2008-04-07T20:54:00.002+08:00

Untitled no.1

2008-04-05T22:24:00.005+08:00

Today has been a tiring day as usual.
Tomorrow shall be another tiring day.
This weekend will be yet another hectic one.
Just like last week.
Just like the week before.
And even before. Which was worse. Because I had to go to Woodlands everyday and came back to the hostel at 22:30.
Moreover, I'm topping up my ez-link once every one and a half week. Which is twice as often as before.

Sian or not?

There's this mixture of excitement, fun, sian-ness, etc.
For once, I am very sure this is not my escapism

To-do-to-survive list

2008-04-05T01:42:00.005+08:00

This first post in this newly renovated blog shall be a boring one. Just to let the world know I am alive. Or not so alive actually. Or somewhere near the realm of death.
Looking at this makes me realise the world is really going round at a dizzy speed. Strange enough, it's the compulsory GP and PW that are sickening. This very well represents the positive effects brought about when people are given a choice.

Functions tutorial (due Monday 7th)
Dynamics I tutorial
Dynamics II tutorial (week 4)
GP evaluation - "Pillow angel"
~~AstroChallenge selection test~~
~~Physical geography presentation - Tectonic hazards (week 4)~~
~~Physical geography CA (Friday 4th)~~
Human geography readings (from term 1)
GP weekly reflections
~~GP vocabulary handout~~
GP weekly research
Orion - Circular motion tutorial
~~Orion - Inertial frame + Simple harmonic motion~~
Chemistry SPA handout (due Monday 7th)
Physics SPA handout (week 4)
Chemistry Redox tutorial (week 4)
Lyrids star party
~~6th Apr Admilralty exhibition~~
Human geography CA (week 4)
Physics test - everything (week 4)
PW PI 1st draft (Tuesday 8th)
PW PI 2nd draft (Tuesday 15th)
PW PI finalised (Thursday 24th 1pm)
~~GP transposition exercise~~
Chemistry data booklet

Knowing that there'll be no PW for the next JC1 batch surely doesn't help.